I saw everyone raving on the tweetvine the other day about these giant environmentally friendly bath rocks that allow you to enjoy your bath without feeling guilty about wasting water.
HAH! You fools! You don't need to spend your hard earned dollars on fancy plastic rocks! I'm no mathematitian but I'm pretty certain that you just need to be fat (like me) or pregnant (like me) and then your body mass takes up so much space in the bath you could fill it with the tears from one fairy (small, magical, watery tears) and feel completely guilt free about the whole "baths waste water" argument. I'm never going to feel guilty about being fat again. I'm saving the world with my body, people, what are you doing?!
I will not feel guilty about filling the bath to the brim as I know that when I hop out it will really only be a quarter full.
I will not feel guilty about eating icecream with milo as I'm sure I need the calcium and vital minerals for the growth of my unborn.
And if I wash my icecream bowl in the water when I'm done, I think that would adequately burn any calories induced in the eating of the icecream and save any further water being wasted. WIN.
I am a WINNER!
I am delirious.
I am going to bed now.
(Please don't remind me I typed this in the morning.)
1 day ago