I'll admit to being a little paralysed by fear lately, or a nifty cocktail of fear, procrastination, laziness and exhaustion. I feel like I'm treading water, but that the water level is rising swiftly and it's getting tougher to keep my head above water. Trouble is, it's only me making the water rise!
I have so much support around me, I know everyone believes in me and deep down I even believe in myself. I'm just not making myself proud, if you know what I mean? I'm not getting things done. But I'm not in the mood for getting things done. Can't I sit on the couch all day instead? I need to encourage my courage.
I need to get on with it.
I need to tackle some mammoth tasks and then I can quit feeling guilty about not being the amazing me I know I can be.
Here are a few tasks to tackle. If I admit them to you, dear friends, perhaps you'll hold me accountable?!
* Declutter, repackage and transform the "junk room" into a happy room for the lil one to sleep in. There is a lot to do in the smallest room in our house. A lot.
* Do my tax before the end of the next financial year already.
* Work harder and smarter at my freelance jobs. We need the money.
* Stop freaking out and comparing my impending labour experience to that of certain celebrities. Like Kourtney Kardashian, for example, who didn't even break a sweat on her perfectly made up face when she reached down and delivered her own baby. I know I won't be sweat, tears or terror free when the big day comes, but the image of her completely calm labour is not inspiring me, it's giving me guilt trips like skinny models in magazines.
That'd make a nice start I think. I will do the things that I think I cannot. Or rather, the things I do not really want to do, but know I must.
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9 comments:
I too hate the feeling of "I must", I'm so much better with " I want too or I feel like".
And It can seem that others have it altoghter...they are lying, Im telling you! Every woman freaks out, goes a bit nutty and just cant feel motivated....but it does not last, do what YOU can.
By the way later on you will get the whole 'nesting' thing going on and nobody will be able to stop you getting ready for the new arrival...even if your wobbling on a ladder painting like theres no tomorrow! (I may be speaking from experience, he he). Eleesa
I was told that a good labour is one where you have control. If control means that you scream out regularily about how much it hurts or count to ten a million times or bite your lip and say nothing - it is all control. I wasn't allowed (by husband) to attend pre natal classes until my third pregnancy because he figured he knew enough for both of us (as if!) but I wish I had known this the first round. Your delivery is yours alone and you get to do it with your style and panache! All the best. Cherrie
PS Flylady says 15 min of decluttering a day is all you should do.
I know what you mean! I know that feeling of not being proud of myself all too well. Right now, I have so many medium sized things that I never seem to have time to do... I am working on doing them when I can, and not feeling guilty about them when I can't. But i'm lazy and I don't want to!
Of course, I don't have a scary time limit like you do! I know I would be deep in procrastination mode. I think even just identifying those things is a big step in the right direction!
I've been thinking about this all morning, and I know this is one of the most irritating things to comment on a blog, but I wanted to thank you for being honest about the fact that it's scary and hard. Just admitting that is pretty scary and hard itself!
Well, firstly, you said it yourself, 'she had a perfectly made up face'. STOP watching those silly videos! Itll make you all funny on the inside and out! No-one can compete with people who are controlled. Enjoy it. Be empowered by the fact that Tom will be awestruck by your power and you can hold it over him forever. You, lovely Sara, dont want a perfectly-made-up-face (okay wear your red lipstick if it makes you feel better),well controlled, just-waxed-and-bronzed-your-legs and recently-been-to-the-brazilian-salon birth! Plus she KNEW she was being videoed for MONEY!. She was probably on Valium! The friend of mine who gave an enviably controlled labour was as high as a kite although none of us realised until later. Funny story that! Thats not a real birth account. Pop over to Ecomilf dot blogspot and be truly inspired!
P.S Dont mind me. I get really passionate about birth!
OOOPS! I forgot to ask simply, what it is that you fear exactly? Proving yourself right? That you really can do it? x
Oh you guys, so sweet!!
And thanks for calling what was essentially a massive whinge 'honest' Kate!!
Wendy, I'm not really sure what I fear so much, but your words have given me food for thought. I'm gonna ponder it, i promise.
And Eleesa, when, when, when does the nesting kick in? I need some nesting help!
ummm, sorry to say it's usually when you have a large bump and find it harder to move...in the last month maybe? Never fear you maybe like a machine and just cant stop, it's like your body is telling you your running out of time. (if not rope in friends to help).
I remember the day before my daughter was born I was running around like a mad woman, I just 'had' to finsh things...next day baby born! ok that is cutting it fine, nevermind bubba wont mind even if you dont achieve all that needs to be done x
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